Musician Becky Nordquist: God's golden thread
Updated: 2 days ago
The author, singer, and filmmaker discusses abuse, loss, healing, and discovering God's presence in life's darkest moments. A powerful story filled with inspiration and hope.
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How do you trust God after childhood abuse, devastating loss, and years of unanswered questions?
In this deeply moving episode of Amazing Greats, Becky Nordquist shares her remarkable journey from childhood sexual abuse and suicidal despair to healing, faith, and purpose.
Growing up in a pastor’s home, Becky experienced abuse that remained hidden for years, leaving her questioning God, her family, and her own worth. As an adult, she faced additional heartbreak through miscarriages, stillbirth, loss, and grief. Yet through every season of pain, God continued weaving a story of redemption.
Becky discusses:
• Her childhood abuse within the church and the silence that followed• Wrestling with anger and disappointment toward God
• The turning point that renewed her faith• Her struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts
• The healing power of counseling, honesty, and community• Pregnancy loss, grief, and finding hope after heartbreak
• The new documentary Innocent Child and resources for survivors• How God brings beauty from even our darkest chapters.
This conversation is honest, compassionate, and filled with hope for anyone carrying hidden wounds.
If you or someone you love has experienced abuse, loss, or deep disappointment, Becky’s story offers a reminder that healing is possible and that God has never stopped pursuing His children.
DIG DEEPER
Innocent Child Documentary Website: https://www.innocentchild.net/
Amazing Greats episode with co-producer of Innocent Child- Steve Siler https://www.amazinggreats.net/post/healing-power-of-music-steve-siler
Music for the Soul/ Steve Siler: https://www.musicforthesoul.org/
If you or someone you know has experienced childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault, confidential help is available:
• RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-HOPE (4673)
• Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 800-422-4453
Both services are available 24 hours a day and can provide support, guidance, and local referrals.
BECKY NORDQUIST AT A GLANCE
Christian Recording Artist • Speaker • Author • Podcaster • Featured in Innocent Child
Topics
Christian faith • Child abuse • Healing • Trauma • Grief • Pregnancy loss • Miscarriage • Stillbirth • Forgiveness • Faith through suffering • Mental health • Hope • God's faithfulness • Christian music
Her Faith Journey
Early faith in Jesus → Childhood abuse and silence → Crisis of faith → Depression and suicidal years → Honest questions about God → Psalm 88 → Rebuilding trust with God → Healing and forgiveness → Using her story to help others
This Episode Explores
Becky's childhood faith and her experience of abuse within the church
How childhood trauma led her to question God's goodness and protection
Her journey through depression, suicidal thoughts and finding safe help
The powerful connection between her childhood story and the song and documentary Innocent Child
How Psalm 88 helped Becky begin rebuilding her relationship with God
Her family's experience with miscarriage, stillbirth and profound loss
How suffering ultimately shaped her calling to walk alongside hurting people
What Becky calls "the pace of grace" in the healing process
Questions Answered
What is Becky Nordquist's Christian testimony?
What is Becky Nordquist's story of childhood abuse and healing?
How did Becky Nordquist's faith change after experiencing trauma?
What is Innocent Child about?
What is Becky Nordquist's connection to Steve Siler?
How did Psalm 88 change Becky Nordquist's relationship with God?
What does Becky Nordquist mean by "the pace of grace"?
Podcast Transcript:
The Golden Thread: Becky Nordquist on Abuse, Loss, Healing and Faithfulness of God
Amazing Greats with Ric Hansen
Guest: Becky Nordquist Christian recording artist, speaker, author and podcaster. Featured documentary: Innocent Child
Ric Hansen — 00:39
We are talking today with Becky Nordquist. She's a Christian recording artist, a speaker, an author, a podcaster, and has been working heavily over several projects with another friend of ours from Music for the Soul, Steve Siler, who was a guest on our show back in 2024 on Episode 74.
You've worked with him and have been working with him for a while. But most recently, there's a new documentary that's out called Innocent Child, addressing healing from child abuse.
And we're going to jump into that very tough topic here today and find out all about it, as well as your previous documentary called Before We Said Hello, which deals with miscarriage and the loss of a child.
Both addressing, you know, not typically fun topics, but so prominent in our culture today that they need to be talked about in a really serious way.
You've described yourself as a person who "catches tears" and walks alongside people who are hurting. And so you are the perfect guest for our show to kind of share your personal story and how God has been a part of that through the whole deal.
So I love your heart.
I saw the documentary. It is tragic and hopeful and all of those things, but it was well done. And the music that you provided in that is so solid and so great.
So thank you for that.
We're going to start as little Becky, the kid. Okay. So where did you grow up, Becky?
Becky Nordquist — 01:47
Well, first, thanks for having me on today. It's a pleasure to be with you and your listeners.
I grew up in the Mitten State of Michigan, on the east side.
My dad was a pastor, and obviously it was a smaller church, so the whole family's involved when it's a smaller church.
And back then it was very much a family ministry where, you know, you're folding bulletins on Saturday night, and you're also the janitors and the fill-in Sunday school teachers.
So you are all invested, and that was pretty much the culture of my family.
All very musical and talented musically. My dad was an amazing baritone. My mother had a wonderful voice, and all of my siblings sang, and a couple of them songwrite.
And it just—it, from the outside, looked really wonderful.
And there were many wonderful, wonderful things about it too.
But there were some knots too.
Ric Hansen
What did you dream of becoming back, you know, when you were just a kid? Did you have an idea and a vision?
Becky Nordquist
You know, I did.
It's kind of funny because my earliest longings—I accepted Jesus when I was maybe three and a half or four.
I remember so vividly.
Ric Hansen
Really? Wow.
Becky Nordquist
Oh my goodness. It was—I remember tugging on my mom's pant leg, her polyester pant leg that is totally going to date me right now.
But I tugged on her pant leg and she was vacuuming, and she shut the vacuum off.
And of course it was shag carpeting, and that will further date me.
But I said, "I want to ask Jesus in my heart because I want to be with Him forever."
And so she shut the vacuum off, and we knelt at the deacon's bench.
And she said, "Well, all you have to do is repeat after me."
And she started to pray.
And I said, "Oh, wait. Is this going to hurt?"
Because I thought He was physically going to come in, and, you know, I wasn't sure what to expect.
And she explained it all.
And the funny thing is, when we accept Christ, we're dying to self, and that can kind of be painful sometimes—the roads that it leads you on, and sometimes the target is put on your back too.
Ric Hansen
Yeah.
Becky Nordquist
As a believer, as a child.
So my earliest longing was—from that moment, I wanted to be a missionary or a preacher.
Well, I wanted to be a preacher. I'll be honest.
I wanted to be a preacher, and we were of a more conservative nature, so they said, "You're a girl, so you can't be a preacher."
I said, "Okay, fine. Then I'll be a nun."
And they said, "Well, we're not Catholics, so that wasn't going to work out either."
So we always had missionaries in for dinner and overnight, and we would host them.
And I said, "Fine, I'll be a missionary."
And so I longed to be a missionary for a long time.
And then I discovered music, and of course music kind of led my heart toward being a musician and a performance person.
And yeah.
Growing Up in a Pastor's Home
Ric Hansen
All right.
So now, as I understand it—and I don't know the whole story. That's why we're here to find out the whole story—it was at an early age that you experienced child abuse yourself, right?
I mean, this was a part of your story, and it happened early on.
Exactly when was that? And can you explain any of the details? I don't mean any specific details, but who and why and where and how did all that happen?
Becky Nordquist
Well, I really believe that the Holy Spirit moved in me to accept Christ around that age because I believe it was not long after that that I was first abused by people in the church.
A family was involved—a prominent family.
It was repeated and chronic.
My mom did catch them in one instance, and I think she really thought that it would be done after that.
But my parents chose to hide the abuse.
My dad feared a split in the church and what would happen.
Sadly, they didn't talk about it.
And I was so little, I didn't have words.
Like, I write about this in the book too, about the night that she caught one of my perpetrators and she took me upstairs. It's also in the documentary if you watch it.
But essentially, I was blamed for it, and I didn't understand what I'd done.
I just knew I was bad and that whatever I had done was really, really bad.
So I was afraid.
And ironically, I was still left in the presence of these people repeatedly after that night.
So it was a chronic situation that carried into some of my lower elementary years.
And then I think what happened is the family kind of separated a little bit. They still went to church there, but we weren't as close with them, so I didn't see them as much.
And of course I was in school.
But I blocked most of it out until I started into adolescence and I started having flashbacks.
And I asked my mom, and she said, "Yeah, I thought you'd forgotten all about it."
And I said, "Well, I keep having these memories that I don't—I thought they were a dream, like a bad dream."
And she just confirmed that it was factual.
And there were a lot of pieces she didn't know about, and a lot of it didn't come back until I really started to deal with the memories I did have.
So, yeah.
It's tough.
Ric Hansen
No kidding.
So, at that point, what were your thoughts about God?
Was God not protecting you? He was not keeping you safe?
Was that something that entered into your mind in those years?
Becky Nordquist
Well, in my younger years, I didn't—like I said, I didn't have verbal aptitude for it.
My brain didn't know what to do with what was going on.
I just felt weird, like I was not normal.
Now, as I got into adolescence and I realized, "Whoa, this makes sense now why I don't feel normal," and I started to really question God.
My view of God blew apart because I was in love with Him.
Mind you, I wanted to be—I wanted to be a preacher, you know?
Ric Hansen
Yeah.
Becky Nordquist
And so now I've got to reconcile who I thought God was.
And if He is my protector, why didn't He protect me?
And if He loved me, why would He allow this to happen?
And if He is so good, how can He be—I didn't have the word "complicit," but how could He be involved in something so terrible where my innocence was taken?
I was violated at such a little age.
And it just—my whole world kind of exploded, and I imploded.
So I wasn't allowed to seek help.
And so I had no place to go with all these very big questions that I wasn't supposed to ask about God because we were taught, "You don't question God. You don't doubt God. You don't question God."
It was almost a place of, "Don't get honest with what you're wrestling with. Don't be honest about the fact that you're wondering where God was in the middle of your terrors."
So, yeah.
It broke my relationship with Him in a tragic way.
And yet, in that tragic way, it got real later on.
Abuse in the Church and the Silence That Followed
Ric Hansen
You're listening to Amazing Greats.
We're talking with author, singer, and speaker Becky Nordquist about a remarkable journey from childhood trauma and heartbreak to healing and hope.
Where was the first place that you could find a listening ear and someone safe to talk to?
Was that a particular person, and how did that unfold?
Finally, now you've kind of reconciled it maybe with yourself a little bit, or at least recalled it.
Who do you share it with who sympathizes with you?
Becky Nordquist
Well, I actually was suicidal at that point.
I was about 12 or 13.
And those were my first times of being suicidal because I didn't—everything, my parents, knowing my parents knew, all that stuff—it, my every relationship I had was just no longer trustworthy and no longer stable.
So the first time I ever talked about it was actually—I was at a fine arts camp because I sang and I played French horn.
And I was there, and I can't remember why I felt safe to talk about it there, but I did.
And the counselors, of course, they have to report that.
They came back to me and they said that because of the statute of limitations at the time, nothing could be done.
And it kind of got dropped from there.
Like, I don't even know if they talked to my parents about it.
My parents never said anything, certainly.
So I just kept holding that in until high school, when I was desperately attempting suicide and depressed.
And I disclosed information to one of the school counselors, and they talked to my parents and they said, "She needs help."
And my dad said, "Absolutely not. She cannot go to a therapist. They're messed up more than anybody else."
And he had his thoughts, right?
And bless my mother, she snuck me to a therapist because CPS was called because I was in that bad shape.
So they called Child Protective Services.
She snuck me to the next town to see a therapist.
And that dear woman—I believe, again, I believe it was the Holy Spirit that prompted me to take all of my journals.
Because I started journaling because of a junior high English class. We had journaling every day, and I just poured my guts into this journal.
So I took them to the therapist and had her read them.
And the next week we met, and she said, "There's a lot in here."
And she said, "You blame yourself for this, and I want to talk about that."
And she encouraged me, when I got my license, to go to my old elementary school and look at the little chairs and look at the little toys.
And she said, "I want you to ask yourself, could you blame one of those little tiny people for the horrible things that were done to you? I mean, would you blame them? Can someone that small be responsible for such horrible things?"
And the next week she called to check on me because I missed my appointment.
And my dad found out, and I knew it was the end.
The beautiful part was I ended up going to my kindergarten classroom, and it was my kindergarten classroom with my same teacher.
It was after school, and they let me go in.
And I remember sitting down in one of those little chairs, and I promised myself—
This still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.
Becky Nordquist
Sorry.
When I think about that 16-year-old girl sitting in that chair and promising herself that one day she would get the help that she needed.
At the same time—and this is how God works—
that same year, a man named Steve Siler was commissioned to write a song called Innocent Child.
Ric Hansen
Oh, wow.
Becky Nordquist
So who knew but God that one day that girl who was screaming and pleading for help, who was promising herself on her own that someday when she was an adult, that same girl would be the girl to sing Innocent Child and write the book?
That's the golden thread in the middle of the dark.
Ric Hansen
Wow.
Ric Hansen
Wow, what a story.
Was there a moment where you reconciled with God?
You'd been struggling with Him.
Was there a moment where you said, "No, God is real, and He is good, and He is going to take care of me"?
What was that like?
Becky Nordquist
Probably my favorite part of my whole life story.
I ended up getting so bad in my early 20s that I was put into a mental institution after attempting suicide and just not wanting to live anymore.
I found myself sitting on the floor in the dark with all this pain and confusion and saying, "God, I don't know if You're real. I really don't know if I believe in You. I don't know if You're real. I don't—I need You to show up right now."
And I looked over at my Bible.
I saw it sitting on this desk, and I'm like, "If—is there anything in that book for me? I need You now."
And I pulled that Bible off the shelf and I let it fall open.
And I joke about this because I never let the Bible fall open.
With my luck, it will open to Leviticus, okay?
So it'll be some strange verse.
You know, so I'm always wary of that when I hear people do that.
And I was like, "Okay, what have I got to lose at this point?"
So I let the Bible fall open.
It fell open to Psalm 88.
And if you read it, it's—you know, I didn't know it at the time, but a couple years later I learned that they called that the "Black Psalm."
And it's the darkest Psalm of the Psalms of Lament.
But God is still sovereign in it.
And in that moment, I just knew it was—He was saying, "I'm here. I see you. I hear you, and I've never left you."
And I got this freedom that a friend had said to me during this process.
She said, "You know, you're so angry at God."
And I'm like, "What? Like, how do you know?"
And she said, "It's okay. He already knows. You can just tell Him."
And it was the first time that I'd ever realized that relationships with anyone require honesty.
Why wouldn't my relationship with God require the same honesty?
Of course it does.
And in that moment, when I was crying out to Him, "Look, I'm angry with You, and I don't know if You exist," I really truly believe that the Spirit of the living God said, "Good. Now we can work with this."
You know what I mean?
"Now we can start. Now we can build. Now we can begin."
And in that night, I'm telling you—
Psalm 88 and Rebuilding Trust with God
Becky Nordquist
Ever since, He has been so good to show me that He wasn't just the God of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and all the characters—all the old dudes that I heard about growing up.
He was the God of Becky.
Ric Hansen
Oh, my man.
Wow.
Wow.
And He's the God of Ric and He's the God of everybody, right?
Becky Nordquist
Yes. Amen. Amen.
Yes.
Ric Hansen
So great.
And your story ended—or, you know, continues—but at that point there was a turnaround.
And at that point you can start the healing process.
What would you tell others who have gone through that, who haven't gotten to that point yet?
Would you give some advice or some suggestions for someone who's in the same place where they're burying or trying to forget, or thinking they did forget, abuse in early childhood?
What do they do?
Becky Nordquist
Well, first, the road of healing is long.
It is not quick.
Like we just talked in just a few minutes, but we didn't go through the years that it was, and the ups and the downs and the stops and the starts.
But it's okay because healing happens at what I like to call "the pace of grace."
And God knows each step that you need to take, and He's going to walk with you through it.
I think I would say, be brave. Be courageous. Take a deep breath.
And it starts with speaking the truth.
Whether it's to a trusted friend or a counselor or a pastor, you find a group of people who have been through it too.
When you're talking statistics of one in three to four women who, by the age of 18, have gone through child sexual abuse, you're passing them by in the grocery store.
I mean, you're sitting in the pew with them at church.
And it's imperative that we find each other and we share our stories and recognize that we're not alone.
But take that first step, whether it's writing your story in a journal or finding a trusted person to talk to.
Just speak the truth of what happened.
Because the truth really does set you free.
And God is the ultimate healer, and He will truly bring freedom into your life like you've never known.
Ric Hansen
Our guest today is Becky Nordquist.
She's featured in the documentary Innocent Child.
We're exploring her personal story of overcoming childhood sexual abuse, her grief, her loss, and discovering God's healing along the way.
A quick jump-back question:
Did your relationship with your father ever heal or become better?
Or did he come to the realization—the reality—that this had happened?
How did that all—I guess he knew that it had happened, but where's that relationship?
Is your father still around? Is he still alive?
Becky Nordquist
He's not.
Ric Hansen
Okay.
Becky Nordquist
So I did confront my dad a couple of times.
Once was when I was an adolescent, which, you know, adolescents are adolescents, and I certainly was one.
So it was in anger and questioning and tears.
And the response was, "Well, you need to forgive and forget."
And we know that that is a trite answer.
And forgetting—you never forget what happened to you when it's that traumatic.
Forgiveness is a whole other topic, which is in the book, and it really sets you free.
So, yes, yes, yes.
But, you know, the Lord was so gracious to me.
He died of cancer just before I was—I was just starting counseling in my early 20s.
This is just before I actually went into the mental hospital.
But I felt this push to sit with him and confront him about how I felt about the fact that he chose the church to protect and not protect me.
And I took him by the hand and I just quietly said, "I don't understand why you chose what you chose. And it damaged me and it hurt me that you didn't protect me as your daughter."
And I said, "I choose to forgive you."
And I didn't feel any of that in the moment.
But I knew that forgiveness begins with a choice.
And in that choosing, I really believe it opened the door for the Holy Spirit to do the divine work of forgiveness because ultimately God is the forgiver, right?
So that's who really works forgiveness in us.
But he passed away.
He never acknowledged. He never made it right.
There was never a closure there with that.
However, my mom and I—God did a great work.
She was so tender about it.
She said it was the biggest mistake of her life to not really go against my dad and say, "No, we're doing something about this."
But, you know, you have to understand her generation and how things worked in the marital relationship.
And, you know, God was so good to me to show me the panic in her that night.
That she did talk things out, you know.
I mean, she was a woman.
He showed me that she was a woman who was scared, who didn't know what to do.
And these aren't excuses. It's just understanding.
Ric Hansen
Yeah.
Becky Nordquist
And she was so sweet and repentant about everything that she knew of.
She didn't know a lot of the stuff. She just knew about that one night.
Ric Hansen
Oh, yeah.
Becky Nordquist
So she didn't realize how deep it really was.
But God healed our relationship.
I ended up taking care of her in her last days.
Both of my parents are gone now with Jesus, but we had a beautiful, beautiful end.
So sometimes we have rough starts, right?
And we have rough valleys that we go through with our parents.
But God can create incredible endings, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
And I'm so grateful that the Spirit kept my heart soft and open to healing and reconciliation.
You know, today we have a lot of kids that are estranged from parents for lesser things.
And I think about how my children never would have known my mom, and that would have been a horrible tragedy in their lives.
Suicidal Years and Finding Safe Help
Ric Hansen
How many children do you have these days?
Becky Nordquist
Oh, my land, a whole gaggle.
Ric Hansen
So you're married.
One of the great, wonderful people in your life is your husband, Dave.
Becky Nordquist
Yeah.
Ric Hansen
And you've been married for how long?
Becky Nordquist
Oh, let's see.
We have been together for 17 years now, married for 16, and we are a blended family.
We have eight kids all together.
So I had four, he had two.
We had been married for 20 years, about, previously, each of us individually. They left us for other people.
So we were going to be married to Jesus forever, and then we became friends, and Jesus had other plans.
So, yeah, he became my best friend and we got married.
And then we weren't going to have any more kids because our youngest was, what, 14, I think, at the time.
And then the Lord said, "No, I think you're going to have two more."
So we have two caboose babies.
So all together, eight kids, and we have nine grandkids, and it's all peppered in between.
So it's one crazy, awesome hot mess.
Ric Hansen
Is everybody kind of in the same area and communicating well, and it's all good?
Becky Nordquist
We're all in Michigan, you know.
I mean, the olders are—let's see what I have—two are not married of the olders.
Yes.
So you singles—singles, too many deep questions about your big family—or any good, godly men and women, please feel free to apply.
No, just kidding.
Ric Hansen
So when Steve Siler approached you about this Innocent Child documentary, what was your initial response?
Was it like, "I don't know," or did you jump in with both feet?
How'd that work?
Becky Nordquist
Oh, goodness.
Well, we had already—you know, the whole way Steve and I met was a story in itself because he was a friend of a friend.
And for years she'd said, "Oh, this friend of mine has to hear you sing."
And, you know, I was used to that from my parents—like kind of pony-showing me around, you know, the parade and pony show.
"Sing for people. Do this."
And I was like, "Okay, whatever."
And I didn't know who he was.
I didn't.
I was like, "Whatever."
So she invited me to a private house concert, and she said, "Bring your demo. He's got to hear you sing."
I'm like, "Okay."
And I wasn't going to go.
I felt sick.
And Dave said, "I really think you need to go to this thing."
Like, I don't feel good.
I just led three worship services that morning. I was exhausted.
And he's like, "No, I really think—"
I said, "I'm going to take a nap."
He said, "Well, I'm going to go mow the lawn."
I said, "Okay, you ask Jesus while you're mowing the lawn. And if Jesus says I still need to go to this concert thing tonight, I'll go."
So Dave comes in and he said, "Yes, Jesus says you have to go."
Not sure if it was Jesus or it was Dave, but either way.
So I packed my little demo, went, and our friend introduced me to Steve.
And, you know, she's like, "Oh, she sings."
He's like, "Oh, okay."
Looking at her.
It was an awkward moment.
I wanted to crawl under the couch.
I talked to another lady, handed her my demo because she was hurting, and I figured she needed to hear this song, You're With Me, which was written out of my story of pregnancy and infant loss.
Ric Hansen
Yeah.
Becky Nordquist
And that whole story, which is a story in itself.
But after the concert was over, the concert was all about Innocent Child.
And I went up to him and I just said, "Hey, I believe in what you're doing, and it means a lot to me. So thank you for writing."
I don't even think I disclosed that it was part of my story at the time.
But he kind of stepped back and looked at me kind of funny, and I thought it almost felt like maybe the Spirit was talking to me.
He said, "Have you ever sang anything? Have you recorded anything?"
And I said, "Actually, I have."
And I'm thinking, "I just gave away the demo that I brought for you."
He said, "Well, here's my card. Send it to me. Send me something."
So I sent him You're With Me.
And he immediately called me and he said, "I'm sitting in Chicago airport on a layover, and I have tears streaming down my cheeks because I just wrote a song about pregnancy and infant loss, and you're the one that needs to sing it."
And that was Before We Said Hello.
So we started that project and writing the devotional and beginning there.
That was the beginning of our journey, and it just grew from there.
So when Innocent Child came along, he had a very well-known artist that was going to sing Innocent Child, and she ended up having health issues.
I'm not sure if I can say her name.
Ric Hansen
Go ahead. What the heck?
Becky Nordquist
It was Amy Grant.
So it was when she was going through all of her health stuff.
And so she couldn't do it, and he was lamenting, talking with God.
And he said that the Lord said, "You already have your singer for that song."
And it was me.
So we didn't know—we didn't make the connection of that 15-, that 16-year-old girl in the kindergarten room and when he was originally writing that song.
We didn't make that connection until later.
But, yeah.
So it was a little concerning jumping in.
You had asked about that.
It's one thing to talk about pregnancy and infant loss and all the tragedy around that.
But this was a little different topic because it was never disclosed to the church where my dad was pastor.
Documentaries, Pregnancy Loss, and the Courage to Tell the Story
Becky Nordquist
And I don't think there's ever been a huge public acknowledgment of it.
I think that it's maybe yet to come as people find out about the documentary.
But there's just a space where you trust the Lord with that and how it's going to play out.
So that was probably the scariest thing for me.
What's going to be the response from these people who certainly love my parents, but then they're going to realize that they didn't kind of do due diligence there?
That they will take my position and be gracious and forgiving and know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him.
Ric Hansen
This is Amazing Greats with Becky Nordquist.
Becky's sharing her deeply personal story and the inspiration behind Innocent Child, a new project bringing hope to survivors of child sexual abuse.
So let's just chat just a bit about Before We Said Hello.
Before I said hello—is that it?
I'm always getting that title wrong.
Becky Nordquist
Before We Said Hello.
Ric Hansen
Thank you.
So what came after in your own personal experience again—loss with miscarriages and one stillborn child?
That loss after loss.
Was God a part of your life at that point and walking you through it, or were you questioning, "What's going on here, Jesus?"
Becky Nordquist
Whew.
You know, we could get into some big weeds here.
Dave and I, the first time we chose to date, because we asked the Lord what He wanted us to do, we dedicated everything to Him.
And we thought we did all the things that He was asking us to do, and we wanted to honor Him in every way that we could.
So we hit what we called the "two years of death," for lack of a better terminology.
It was probably longer than that because we had five pregnancy losses, and then we had one stillbirth.
But in between all of that, we lost Dave's dad, we lost my brother, we lost my mom, we lost cousins, we lost aunts and uncles.
And then I had a friend who, after we lost our baby Nicholas, she came up from Colorado and she brought me a puppy.
And, yeah, you can't make this stuff up.
It's just so crazy.
Stranger than fiction, right?
So she drove from Colorado to bring me a little Shih Tzu puppy because she felt like I needed a therapy puppy.
And she brought her kids with her, and it was for my birthday.
So on my birthday, I was pregnant again with our son Sam, our rainbow Sam.
And I thought I was losing him.
So we rushed off to the hospital to make sure he was okay.
And my friend Lisa wasn't feeling well.
And I texted her. I said, "Are you doing okay? Can I bring you something?"
"No, I'm fine. Just going to take a nap."
We got home, and I found Lisa.
She looked like she was sleeping, but she actually had died suddenly on my couch of a massive heart attack.
Ric Hansen
Oh my gosh.
Wow.
Becky Nordquist
So that was within all of this time frame.
And I remember one morning just laying in bed.
Dave and I are just laying there talking and crying out to God.
"Lord, we don't know what to do."
We just—we lost a baby, now we lose this friend who walked us through it.
All of these deaths and loss and grief, and just never a moment to really come up for air.
And what we had traversed in our divorces was tragic as well.
But there's that point where you're like, "Lord, what gives?"
You know?
And you have a crisis of faith.
And that's when I wrote the song You're With Me, which is in the Music for the Soul catalog.
But that was a song that brought Steve and I together to do Before We Said Hello.
Ric Hansen
Oh my gosh.
Becky Nordquist
Yeah.
That song was written out of that moment of, "Where are You? I can't feel You. I don't see You. I don't—I don't—I don't know where You are, God."
And then the answer is:
"You're with me. You're for me. You love me. You never let me go."
And because it's okay to have the crisis of faith and ask the question, like, "God, I don't feel You."
Because a lot of times we don't feel Him, right?
But the beautiful thing is that we can know that His presence is with us.
And knowing is more solid than feeling, because feelings change and feelings aren't facts.
And what a great foundation that we have as followers of Christ.
Ric Hansen
Wow, wow.
Amen. Amen.
Today on Amazing Greats, Becky Nordquist takes us behind the public ministry and into the real-life struggles, questions, and losses—and the victories—that shaped the woman that she is today.
When you look back over your life story, through the miscarriages and the stillbirths and the childhood trauma, do you see a silver thread God has been weaving through all of that?
The Pace of Grace in Healing
Becky Nordquist
Many.
Many threads.
Yes, many threads.
You know, you can choose to look at the yucky ones—the frayed, black, ugly, tangled mess of thread that's in your life tapestry.
Or you can take a step back and realize that God is weaving a grander story that you could never come up with.
You know, I had dreams in high school of going to New York and performing.
And whose dream wouldn't it be?
I mean, as a musician, to go and work with Grammy songwriters and Dove Award songwriters and recording artists and musicians.
And, you know, those were things that I thought were dead in the water.
But God, in His gracious goodness, creates eternal things that are far more beautiful than the most temporal, exciting things that can happen.
What I love is that He's grown in me ears to hear.
I don't hear things like my husband had an affair the same way.
I don't hear "I'm going through a divorce" the same way.
I don't hear "I just lost a baby" the same way.
You know, you don't know until you walk those roads.
And in a weird way, I'm grateful that He's allowed what He's allowed in my life because I don't want anybody to feel like they're alone.
And I don't know, maybe that was the point of it all.
I don't know.
The other thing I have to say—the greatest revelation I've ever recently had, and this is probably the best golden thread I can find right now—is because you ask the question, "God, I really just wonder what this is all about. Why?"
And He gives me this vision of, you know, when your child falls and scrapes up their knees, where do they run?
They run to your arms.
When they're afraid of the dark in their closet, and maybe there's nothing in there, maybe there is, but they don't know, and they're anxious about it—where do they run?
They run to the parent and they cling to them.
And He says to me, "What if it's not so much about your crisis as much as it is that I crave for you to cling to Me that tight all the time?"
And I was like, wow.
Ric Hansen
Wow.
Becky Nordquist
Because God craved our clinging so much that He chose to die for it.
He died for us to cling to Him and to have a way that we could cling to Him again.
So that's the greatest golden thread I can find right now.
Documentaries, Resources, and Helping Others Heal
Ric Hansen
And that's so good.
I so much appreciate your honesty and your incredible warmth and ability to share this whole story.
And we're kind of running out of time, but I want to make sure that people know about the documentary.
It's not just a documentary, which is interesting to note.
There are other helpful resources that come right along with it.
Can you walk us through what else besides the documentary, which is an hour long?
It's incredible.
I had an opportunity to take a look at it myself.
It's you and others who have shared their stories.
But what else is there besides the documentary itself?
Becky Nordquist
Well, the documentary has great reprieve in it because it's a heavy topic, right?
So we have music videos in there, spoken word, an animation movie, and everybody's story is so different.
We're all different personalities, right?
So that's really unique about the documentary.
Plus, there's the website.
It's a standalone website, innocentchild.net, where you can view the documentary.
I think they have a free seven-day viewing that you can log in and view the documentary yourself.
It also includes a therapist or leader—like a church leader—toolkit.
We have the Innocent Child devotional guide.
You know, it's got therapeutic helps and journaling prompts and just to begin your healing journey.
We're working on a leader's guide so churches can have these groups in their church and offer healing steps for their people and how to love them well.
And there's a bunch of therapeutic songs to listen to for free and read the lyrics.
Ric Hansen
And where do we go for that?
Where's that all available?
Becky Nordquist
That is at www.innocentchild.net.
Ric Hansen
Yeah.
Wonderful.
Wonderful.
Well, Becky, thank you so much for your time and your loving, caring attitude and sharing your story with so many who maybe are really striving for ways to get through their own mess.
And so this gives them some lifeline to how to go about doing that.
And so it's just been a pleasure to get to know you a little bit and to know that you're a friend of Steve Siler, who I got along with well and had a great conversation with earlier on.
And just thank you, and God bless you for all that you are doing and continue to do.
Becky Nordquist
Bless you, too, Ricky.
Have a wonderful day, and thank you so much for having me.
Ric Hansen — 43:28
Hey, thank you for joining us on Amazing Greats.
Becky's story encourages you today.
Would you do me a favor and share this with your friends, your family, or maybe your church member—or anyone who might need to hear this message?
And if this conversation touched your heart, please take a moment to subscribe, follow, and give us a review.
And until next time, I'm working at this—this is Amazing Greats, where we celebrate amazing people with extraordinary stories, with a list of God's faithfulness.
Thank you for listening.
God bless.
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